Still

Dear Yatz,

It’s been three years since the day we had our first hello. It’s been three years since we say that we liked each other. It’s been three long years since the day I loved you.

It’s not easy to go through those years.  All along, I am thinking of you. You’re always on my mind. Why? Why am I like this? What have you done to me? All this time, I still love you but as I can see, you have moved on while I am still stuck in the moment when you and I are still together.

You said that no matter what happen, we will still be together. But what happened to your “FOREVER and EVER?” Everything just happened. I can’t remember the day when you said to me that you’re leaving because it’s been out of my control. I don’t know what caused you to leave. All I know is that you have made me feel that I am not worthy of your love, that I cannot be with you because there’s someone better. I hated myself that time.

I wanted to open up my heart to someone who is more deserving of my love. But you have enclosed my heart and got the key and never thought of returning it. 

Please tell me now FACE to FACE that you don’t love me, that you never loved me, that you can’t love me at all. I wanted to hear it all from you. It may hurt me but that’s the easiest way I thought of fully letting you go. Say those words then I am giving up on you.

I can’t deny it. You’re still in my heart. I thought I have moved on but every time I hear our songs, every moment we had are coming back to me. I thought I have let you go but I found myself holding on to our promise, our promise of forever.

Do you still remember the day when you told me that you like me? That’s probably one of the happiest day of my life, knowing that someone like you like me too. I feel like I am the most beautiful girl in the world. I never thought that it won’t last forever.

Do you still remember my birthday? One day before my birthday, or probably an hour before, you called me and sang to me our favorite song. Even though you were out of tune, I was so happy that you sang it to me.

Do you still remember our first date? It was so simple but spending it with you made it very special. We actually just went to only at aconvenient store and bought our favorite food then walk to the the garden where there are lights at the trees. We talked a lot about each other and talked about our future and all sort of things that we can talk about. I can’t forget how happy we were back then.

Do you still remember that night when you ask me to dance with you at a party? You came near me then you ask for my hand and everyone shouted as the spotlight shines on us. It was so special. We were the only couple who danced that moment.  Then you told me that you request the song just for us. That was so sweet of you.

But then, out of my control, your love is fading away. I don’t know why? I don’t know what have I done? I don’t think you love me the same.

Do you still remember that night when you ask me what you are to me? I told you that you were so special. Then you told me that I am only a FRIEND to you? Why? After all these things that we had? After all those sweet moments that happened? After telling me that you like me? Why? Tell me why am I just a friend to you? I still can’t move on to the fact that I can’t be someone so special to you? I don’t know how you treat someone special to you. I don’t know if you are doing the same thing to other girls too. 

But you know what? After all the heartaches and pains that I get from you, I still love you. I loved you even more. And I hate you for that fact! I hate that I can’t let you go when you have let me go that fast. Until now, after three years, you’re still in my heart. You’re still in my mind. Why?

Real talk: Ano bang meron kang payatot ka at hindi kita makalimutan? Gusto kitang suntukin, sipain, at bugbugin pag nakita kita, pero deep inside of me, pag nakita kita gusto kitang yakapin at sabihing, mahal parin kita. Para na akong ewan na nagaantay parin sa'yo habang ikaw, binaling na ang atensyon sa iba. Saket pre! Daig ko pa ang nagpaopera sa kidney! Pero ito lang ang masasabi ko, one day, you'll see me not even thinking a single thought of you.