Those were the words that I used to utter. Words that I expressed long ago when I fell in love. Words that I said when I had my first heartbreak.
Masakit. Oo! Sobra nga e. Pero I know that there are more hurtful things than this. Right now, I have confessions to make. After three years of moving on, crying, trying to hold on the things that's left, I'm done. I'm made new.
One confession is, na-realize ko lang na kung di pa ako na-broken hearted, hindi ko pa lalo makikila si Lord. Like for real! I've realized that when I had my heart broken, I became more closer to God. Mas naging open ako sa Kanya, mas naging sincere yung prayers ko, mas naging personal ang messages Niya sakin. Mas naging bold and confident ako for Him! It's so amazing!
Two. From time to time, naiisip ko padin si Yatz. Though lagi ko naman sinasabi na naka move on na ako, minsan, naiisip ko padin ang mga maaaring mangyari kung natuloy ang lovestory namin. Although we haven't really had a real relationship. And one thing I am so proud about, I was never ever physically intimate with him. We never held hands, we never kissed, we never ever ever did the thing. That's because we've never been in a relationship! HAHA! Well, I know that God has been protecting me from any harm at that moment. Thank You Lord! And allowing my heart to be broken is one of His way to take me away from that guy. Everything is done. Pero, promise! Minsan, iniisip ko, "Paano kaya kung kami talaga? Paano kung matutuloy yung promise namin sa isa't-isa na pag 25 na kami at wala parin kami karelasyon, kami nalang? Paano kaya?" But no! I have made a promise with God that I will never ever fall for that guy again. Yes! Waaaaa! Lord, I need more patience.
Three. I met someone. Someone who actually possess every detail of a guy that I want to be with. Christ-centered, musician, preacher, singer, youth leader, a little bit funny, and a little bit handsome. Someone whom I can sing with, pray with, laugh with, laughs at my corny jokes, and know Christ with. Someone that will push me to the limit of my patience but also someone who will lead me to Christ. Waaaa! This is so crazy! Because that guy that I met actually possess everything that I've said. Then after a few months discovering who he is, I've discovered that even his family background fits to what I envisioned my dream guy's family would be. This is crazier! I had this feeling of assurance na kahit hindi kami romantically connected, may future kami. Hahah. Sobrang weird lang.
Four. Pinagpray ko na yung guy na sinabi ko sa number three. Oo. Pero mas gusto ko na si Lord na yung bahala. Minsan napepressure lang ako kapag nagpepray ako tapos wala naman nagbabago. Pero those were the moments na ako naman ang binabago ni Lord. Pero looking back, we started out being strangers na nagmeet in an unexpected moment. Pero ngayon, we're so close and can share weird things to each other pero minsan lang. Hahaha. Sobrang nirerespeto ko siya as a person and that is what I want my husband to be. To lead me, to pray with me, and to tell me that God has the best plans for me. Sa tuwing kausap ko siya, ang dami ko natututunan, it's like sobrang kinasihan siya ng Banal na Espiritu. Pero I am not consistent sa pagpepray sa kanya, basta bahala na si Lord. Kung siya man yun, waaa. Thank You Lord. Pero king hindi, I am glad to havr known na nageexist yung taong gusto ko. <3
Five. Minsan naisip ko na magiging single ako forever. Pero that doesn't mean that I've given up waiting, that's because I want to experience more of God. Siguro, I will be meeting the guy for me sooner or later, or baka nga nakita ko na. Hehe. But now, I am enjoying the blessing of being single. :)
I'm so happy that I am becoming more honest of what I really feel. Thank You talaga Lord! Pa-huggg! <3
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