You don't understand now, but soon, you will - JESUS

"Jesus replied, 'You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.'" - John 13:7

Lately, I was asking God about life, future, and His plans. Though I haven't really got a direct answer for my questions, I've grown to be more drawn to God's presence.

There are about hundreds of questions I ask God each day. Lord, where do you want me to be? Why am I here? Why do I have to know these? Why do I have to meet these people? Why am I feeling this? Why? And the sort of things. But nothing kept me in peace. I almost feel like I am nowhere to go or that I have some place I have to be in. But there is one question that really made me cry, Lord, how? 

For the past few weeks, there has been an extreme conviction of doing something for God's greater glory but I don't know how and where to start. One thing that's really bugging me is that, I feel like God was asking me to let go of some things that are really precious to me. He is also like asking me to let go of some people that's important to me. The why questions then enters the picture. There is pain in letting go of all these.  But I guess, God won't let me feel these things if He don't have a grander plan for me. I believe there is.

So now, I am much excited of what God wants me to do.  I know that it is for His greater glory. I may never know what it is, but I am trusting God for all the things that He have for me in the future. I may lose eveything I have now, money, time, and energy, but I know that God will restore it all more than I expected. I may not uinderstand what He was doing now, but I am rest assured that soon, I will.

All Glory to God! :)

Stronger...

"I am a strong person, but every once in an while, I would  like someone to take my hand and tell me that everythings going to be alright."

Some says that to be able to enjoy having a relationship with someone, you should first enjoy youself being single. Because being able to find joy in you means you will not feel lonely when you are alone.

Yes! I have proved to myself that being single is one of the greatest thing that ever happened to me. I don't ask for someone to cheer me up when I am sad. I don't long for someone's touch just to make me feel safe. I don't need someone to be with me everyday just to make me feel satisfied. I don't need those. But sometimes, I want it.

Every once in a while, when I see lovers pass me by, I keep asking myself, "How does it feel to be wrapped around someone's arms?", "How does it feel to be held by someone's hand", "How does it feel to loved by a significant other without asking for it?" I always wonder how.

I am a strong person. I can be alone without somone cuddling me all night. I can be just myself. I have been satisfied with God's everlasting love since the day that I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior. There is no doubt that when you're in love with Christ, you will never feel alone. But there is something in me that keep telling me that have to have a partner, even when I don't need it.

I know someday, someone will come to me and will say how much he loves me and how long he's been waiting for me. And he will tell me that I've been in his prayers for a long time even before he met me.

It feels so good to be in love and to be loved. But the greatest thing to do before these things come to life, love yourself, be in love with Christ, and pray constantly for that someone special. :)

God bless!

Tuwentitertin

It's January 26 now at ngayon ko lang naisipan gumawa ng blog for 2013. :) Okay here we go!

What happened last 2013?

I have learned from an inspiring author of LOVESTRUCK, Ronald Molmisa, that for you to be able to move-on from the past (He's talking about ex-relationship here), you should enumerate everything that happened, good or bad. So I'm gonna apply his concept of 'moving on' even though I didn't had a boyfriend to move on for. HAHA

First thing, 2013 for me is the most challenging and hardest year of my life. Why? Because this is where I found myself being at my weakest and strongest point. I have cried lots and lots of tears and laughed when I'm in front of many people. I have been a "cry-myself-to-sleep-" person and this has made me stronger.

January  - toot toot. Di ko na masiyado matandaan ang mga nangyari sa buwan na ito basta ang alam ko ito yung time na OJT ako at nahihirapan akong makita siya sa kapitolyo. NAKO!

February  - SINGLES MONTH! Sorry. :) HAHAH

 March  - Ito yung month na nagsstruggle na ako ng "Where to go? Where to apply?" Ang hirap! I have carved in my heart that I'll be a writer in the future and it's so hard to look for a job na magfifit na gusto kong gawin. Di pa man ako na-graduate, nagiging back to zero na agad ang knowledge ko about life. I don't know how to decide for myself. Naging OJT-writer ako sa Provincial Capitol of Laguna and I found myself being soooo passionate with what I am doing. Then, after ng lahat ng hirap ko sa pag-aaral, nakagraduate din! The best gift I could ever give to my parents! What's next? Let's see!

April -May  - I commited myself to church activities and naging staff ako for DOERS (Disciples of Every Reached Society) where it lasted until end of May. Antagal noh? Ang saya kaya! We went through many trainings and we were sent to different places where we applied everything that we learned from our training. Two weeks before matapos ang DOERS, tinawagan ako ng PCBS for a job! :)

May-June  - Unfortunately, it was not a very great experience. Dito ko naranasan makipagsagutan sa boss ko. Dito ko nakita yung "mataray" side ko. Dito ako, I must say, naging masama. HUHU. I am working sa isang Christian bookstore but I don't feel like I am. Pressured, stressed, namamayat (?) lito. MY first job wasn't that great. But I still thank God for that experience. Mas nakilala ko ang sarili ko at mas nalaman ko ang mga dapat kong maging ugali sa iba't ibang tao.Sorry for these months LORD! :(

July  - toot toot. Kroo kroo

August  - Job Hunting mode with Eben! HAHAHAHA! Naligaw! Nag-taxi, nag-LRT, nag-MRT! In short, nagjob-hunting sa Manila! And ending, ayaw ko pala sa Manila. HAHA. But it was a great experience tho. Nakipag-rally ako against PORK BARREL. (Totoo po yun!) I met new bekfriends (Di po ako typo. BEKS nga) I learned a new way of meditating at nakipagbonding with bestfriend in a more mature way. :) Masaya! Masaya!

September  - Realization...  Ang tagal na. Almost 2 years na ang nakalipas nung huling naging okay kami ni Yatz (Jerick Cabantog) Masiyado pang magiging mahaba ang post na ito kung ikwento ko pa kung pano nangyari, di narin naman mahalaga. But anyways, it may be harsh to think, pero inunfriend ko siya sa fb, binura ko ang lahat ng pictures namin, lahat ng mga bagay na magpapaalala ng mga tungkol sa kanya. Dahil kahit hanggang nung September, kahit ang tagal na, nasasaktan padin ako nun. Engers lang. Ito din yata yung month na Natapos ko nang basahin yung "I kissed dating goodbye" na nakapagpabago ng perspective ko sa "romantic love".

October- December  - Ang bilis nuh? HAHAHA. This was the greatest month of my 2013! Like really! This were the months that I started working at Malayan Colleges Laguna. Here is where I met amazing people, amazing boss, amazing workmates, amazing environment! Lahat amazing! Dito ko nakita ang positive side ng career path ko. Dito ko nakita lalo ang sarili ko. Here is where I want to invest my passion. Noon ko narealize kung bakit ako hindi nagkawork in the past few months because God has prepared something greated for me! And this is it! :) Ngayon month din nakita ko ang sarili ko na patuloy na lumalakad sa daan ng turning point ko. Dahil, since it was turning, I am continually turning. :) Ang saya lang! Akala ko matatapos ang taon na ito na jobless padin ako, but God heared my prayers and my heart's desires. Dito ko din nakilala si Shir....HAHAHA Only God and my bestfriend knows that! Di ba?

Marami akong natutunan sa 2013 about relationships, sa significant other man yan, sa family, sa friends, sa churchmates and even sa mga taong di okay sayo. I learned #ProjectLove and it was all about giving love to everyone kahit walang bumabalik sayo. It's about giving love to everyone at hindi mo pipiliin ang pagbibigyan mo ng love. Nung matutunan kong magbigay ng LOVE sa lahat, that's when I felt na madami din palang nagmamahal sakin. :)

Natutunan ko din last year na, LOVE IS PATIENT. Although I already knew that long ago, mas nareflect ko lang siya ngayon. Bakit sa 1 Cor 13, ito yung unang description ng love? Bakit kailangan patience ang una? That's because hindi mo iintayin ang isang bagay na hindi mo mahal or hindi mahalaga sa'yo. If it means a lot to you, you will PATIENTLY wait.

We may think that life is colorless, meaningless, and dull, let's just wait for the right time for this life to bloom! Malay mo, in the future, magbobloom nadin ng bonggang bongga ang life natin! :)

All in all, I thank God for giving me my colorful and meaningful 2013! I hope you all had a very meaningful 2013 too! Ang prayer ko nalang ngayon ay mas maging CHRIST-CENTERED ang year 2014 ko. :) At sa inyo din. HIHI. God bless youuuuu!