Faith Up!

It was like a raging tsunami when this season came and come to an end. I never even noticed that after this day, it will be my birthday.

As you can see, there's a photo at the left side of your screen. It's a poster of our upcoming event. The team started planning this out maybe a month ago and I was so amazed by how far each and everyone's faith took this event. It has reached the whole MCL community.

Right now, I am asking of you to pray for God's will to prevail today. We are actually having some "challenges" that I know we could overcome by God's Grace. We still don't know what's ahead of us, but we believe that this event will push through TODAY! It will be a very great birthday gift if you include this event in your prayers.

My prayer:

Dear Lord, I know You have everything at hand. I know that You are doing something really great right now. Please continue to remind us to be more desirable to know Your will rather than the answers to our prayers. In Jesus Name, I cast out all evil doings that could hinder us to push through this event and believing that You are working all through out this event. Open our hearts and mind so we could understand the things that's been happening. Increase our faith, Oh Lord. You know every details of our hearts and all we want Lord is to make You more FAMOUS and lift You up above all else. Forgive us if we ever doubted Your plans. All glory to You and You alone. This is all for You greater glory. In the Name of Your Son, Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, Amen.  

untitled song (suggest any title naman) Default Title is : NIT-SUE

Here I go again
Trying to understand the things I can't figure out
Doing it all by myself
And end up losing all that I am

**But the I felt Jesus holding me
and say, "Relax, I got this!"

*So I'm gonna lay it all down to You
I know Your always here by my side
I'm gonna trust in You
I know You'll help me through, LORD
So I'll increase my faith in You
Lord take away this doubt in my heart
Coz when I feel like letting go (2x)
YOU HOLD ON

Here I go again
Feeling this emptiness inside me
Saying, "When will all this end?
When will this pass?"
Every night I'm crying
I'm loosing this little faith in me

Repeat **
Repeat *

(c) ZelleRana

Two new friends. :) two new inspirations :) Two new blessing :)

 So just, like, 6 hours ago, I had an accidental sharing with my SCOM friend which is School Outreach Ministry. I wasn't expecting something special today.  So there goes a lunch break. Katy, Jean and me went to canteen to eat lunch. Then Jerome came near to us and said., "Sharing tayo mamaya." Since it wasn't a busy day, we agreed to the said sharing. I knew it was a 'getting to know each other' thing. And IT IS! A deeper 'getting to know each other' thing.

It's true that we must not rely on our expectations. After hearing two of my new friends testimonies, I was moved. I realized that my testimony is not that interesting compared to their testimonies. I wasn't expecting that testimonies from them.

So here's Edz Testimony..

A former Aglipayan. She said she's 'mataray', 'palaban', and she won't let anyone bring her down. It's true that when God started to control your life, you will never imagine how God works in you because it will totally change your life. So as Edz became a Christian, God has given her a gift. A gift of teaching which she was using to honor God by teaching Sunday School Students. She was also a blessing to every people she meet. She have that gift to discern whether you are sad, angry, and happy. And in that way, even without saying a single word, she will understand you. She's a blessing. I believe, she has blessed many lives. And I' so thankful that God let Edz' and my path crossed. I feel so blessed and I want to know her deeper.

That unexpected moment when this guy approached me to join them in sharing time. :) He's Jerome! And here's his unexpected testimony...

A musician who do music. He describe himself as a Christian who only do music in front of the stage 5 years ago. A son who fights with his dad, so as a brother who fights with his sisters. That awkward moment when that thought can't sink in to my mind. It's like...WHAT? SRSLY? I was expecting that his testimony will be like "a guy who grew up in a Christian Family". But I was wrong.  He is a semi bad boy. And one moment that really changed his life is when he fought with his dad. He got away from home. Then someone texted him, "Hey. Andito kami sa church." So he went there. And that was the day he started to live at their church. He admitted that he was mad at his father. Because he's still a son, his mother was still sending him money and visiting him. He pity his mother. He don't know what to do but cry. That's when he got closer to God. And one day, he forgive his father when his father came to church to visit him. It touched his heart. And now, because everything falls back into place, God made him a music team Leader, a SCOM Leader, an evangelist who have a great burden in winning souls.

These two new friends became two new blessing to me. Because compare to their struggles in life, mine was easy, theirs was hard. And I am so blessed. I can say that they are the people that are purposely chosen by God. It was like out of nowhere, they came into my life and became a blessing. They are both LEADERS that don't give up. They shared to me a song, although I don't remember all the lyrics, it touched me. The song means a lot to Jerome. And it means, in serving God, in the midst of trials and pain, heartache, we should not give up. And as leaders, like them, we should focus on God's purpose. ON GOD!

Before, I thought my trials was so hard, but it's nothing compare to the trials that Edz and Jerome had.

And there you go! MY TWO NEW BLESSING FROM GOD! :)

I pray that I may get to know them deeper.
God Bless us all! :) Be a blessing <3

Echo "I Love Jesus";

Just so you know, I am currently working on our thesis(with my groupmates Katy and Jean) entitled "Interactive Learning Tool for Sunday School"

It is really hard for me to pretend that I am a programmer even if I am not. Yes. I understand codes, but not LOGIC! I am such a foolish girl when it comes to logical operations.

One night I prayed to God, "Lord, please give me this night the opportunity to be knowledgeable in php codes, also in databe management. I really need it Lord." And God proved to me again His greatness. I read PHP tutorial from the basic up to the major logical operations. And just in an hour or more, I have build some operations that we really need. Thanks to w3schools.com for teaching me how to program php! :) And thanks to God for answering my prayer.

The a day after, a friend, who is a programmer, left a message on my facebook and said, "I can teach you php. for Free." WOW!!! Thank God! Maybe my friend have read my epic post about getting problematic in programming. It's too kind of him to help me even without pay. God is so great! He's really providing all my needs just in time. and unlike before, I am afraid of taking responsibilities because I don't know if I can handle it. But now, everything just flow normally. I am a Secretary in a big youth organization, also, I am a photojournalist at our University, LSPU-SCC, I am our church Youth Treasurer, I am a student, a mentor, a simple child of my mom and dad who do house chores, a semi-mommy who take care of her nephews every night, and I am doing our thesis. Isn't it great? That in 24 hours of my life, I can do all these things, you know why? Because I know God has put his trust in me. He trust me that I can do all these things even without getting tired. Because He, Himself is my strength. And I love this feeling of doing all these things because I know this is what God wants me to do, to fully offer my time, effort, and everything to Him.

It's Sunday, and the Pastor's message fits in what I am feeling. Lately, I am carrying all my heavy loads all by myself, but God spoke to me through the Pastor's message, He said, "²⁸ “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. ²⁹ Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.³⁰ For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” -Matthew 11:28-30
I admit. I felt burdened for the past days, but God made me realize that I have Him, He is just there to help me carry my loads, or rather, carry it all for me. 


I am so thankful with what God has been doing in my life. I feel so blessed. Everyday I woke up as I meditate His word, I feel like He is telling me, "My child, it will all be well. Just trust in Me."


Trust GOD. In everything you do. Remember, MY GOD IS SO BIG, SO STRONG AND SO MIGHTY THERE NOTHING MY GOD CANNOT DO FOR YOU!


God bless you! and may you trust the LORD today! :)

STEADY MY HEART (Story of a brokenhearted)

Seven months of sparkling, happy, and lovable moments have passed. And here comes the "i don't know until when" forgetting. But I know, I have moved on.

Here I am again. Listening to Kari Jobe songs. And hours ago, I met a friend named Ate Mitz and she shared to me this wonderful and blessed song of Kari. "STEADY MY HEART". Let me dissect the lyrics...

"Wish it could be easy
Why is life so messy
Why is pain a part of us
There are days I feel like
Nothing ever goes right
Sometimes it just hurts so much "

Yes. Sana hindi nalang ganito kasakit. Hindi ganito kasaklap. May mga pagkakataon talaga na ang sakit-sakit na. ANG SAKIT-SAKIT NA! Hindi ko deserve toh anoba! Bakit nga ba masakit? Kasalanan ko kasi. Masiyado akong nag-expect. Nag-assume. MABAIT AKO EH! ang galing galing ko kasi. Malawak ang imahinasyon ko kaya akala ko ang mga pangyayaring ito ay hindi panaginip, yung pala tulog ako sa katotohanan na, "HELLO. KAIBAGAN LANG PO." At nung magising na ako. ARAY! Sana hindi nalang ako natulog. Sana hindi ko nalang hinayaang matulog ako sa katotohanan na yon. Sana nung araw na makilala ko siya, gising na ako. Sana madali na ibalik yung nakaraan para maitama ko lahat. Kasi hindi. I am emotionally ruined. My heart was crushed into pieces. So here I am, picking up the pieces of my broken heart...but wait!

"But You're here
You're real
I know I can trust You"

"God heals a broken heart. But He has to have all the pieces." Siguro maka ilang ulit ko nang sinabi toh sa sarili ko pero hindi parin ako nagtatanda. So now. I am more matured, mas naiintindihan ko na lalo itong kowt na toh na mga 1000X ko na pinaulit-ulit. One night ng marealized ko na wala na lahat sa amin, I prayed sabi ko, "LORD, I wanna know if Your answer is No, Yes or WAIT." Ang tapang ko. Kahit alam kong kapag NO ang sagot ni LORD, magiging masakit sa akin. Pero ayun. After one day, God gave me a sign na NO nga talaga ang sagot Niya. Hay. Wala na. Tapos na lahat. sumunod nadin yung pangyayari na pati siya nawala na talaga. Nangyari na yung kinaktakutan ko, "STRANGERS AGAIN" But God will heal me. I know.

"Even when it hurts
Even when it's hard
Even when it all just fall apart"

Kahit masaket. Kahit mahirap. Kahit lahat malusaw. HAHA. 

"I will run to You
Cause I know that You are
Lover of my soul healer of my heart
Steady me heart"

Matapos ang masakit na pangyayari, Wala naman talaga akong ibang tinakbuhan, si LORD lang. Iyak ako ng iyak kay LORD. wagas. hanggang ngayon. Parang lahat ng sakit ibinubuhos ko na sa Kanya. Ang sarap sa pakiramdam. Ramdam ko ang yakap Niya. KINIKILIG AKO! Wala nang ibang masarap na moment maliban sa moment na kasama ko ang LORD. WAGAS! Di ko maexplain. Ang saya ko lang kahit naiyak ako. Wala lahat. Napawi ang sakit at pagdurusa. 

"I'm not gonna worry
I know that You got me
Right inside the palm of your hand
Each and every moment
What's good and what gets broken
Happens just the way that You plan "

Ngayon. Dahil naibuhos ko na sa LORD lahat. Hindi ko na kailangan mag-worry. Kung makita ko siya oh kahit anu mang bagay o lugar na magpapa-alala sakin ng tungkol sa kanya, alam kong makakaya ko na harapin ang kinabukasan. HAHA! iniwan ko na siya sa nakaraan. Siya pa nga yung nagsasabi sakin noon, "Pwede mong alalahanin ang nakaraan, wag ka lang papaiwan dun." Well, naka move on na ako. Heto na ako sa present time. :D Bye VINTAGE. Ang saya lang. Kasi alam kong si Lord ang may kapit ng buhay ko. At Alam kong hindi lang basta nangyari itong broken heart thing na ito. GOD PLANNED THIS TO TEACH ME SOMETHING. Ang galing mamalo ng LORD. EPEKTIB! nakakagising talaga. eye-opener! 

Sa mga nangyaring ito. 7 months...marami akong natutunan. OO. masaya ako na kasama ang guy na yun, masaya ako na nakilala ko siya, masaya ako na naging parte ako ng buhay niya at naging parte siya ng buhay ko. Pero isa siya sa mga bagay na dapat kong i-let go. bakit? BECAUSE GOD TOLD ME SO.

No more questions to ask. 
Now. I'm praying for the guy na hindi ko pa nakikita, maybe. Someone who is more serious about Christ.

GOD BLESS! <3

When God Speaks in Darkness

What do we usually feel if we are in the dark? WE are scared? YES. We are not comfortable? YES. We feel like someone is looking at us? YES. I actually answered that question personally. My greatest fear is DARKNESS. I just don't want to be in darkness. and YES. I pray whenever I am in the dark, but I AM STILL AFRAID.

I personally love lights and sounds that is running coz of electricity. I got BV when electricity is out. I thought that there is no life when there is no light. BUT I'M WRONG.

It's been a month of preparation, month of long thinking of how are we going to organize the YDC fellowship that was held last Sunday, 09.26.10. Since I am appointed to be lead and organize the Music team, I did my best to make it perfect, to make it well sounded. I've been so sensitive with faults and the teams childish ways. I got mad/bitter easily.

A day before the said event, I am not comfortable with the line-up of songs. It was suppose to be like this.

-Heart of Worship

-Adonai

-One Way

-Hosanna

-With all I am

-How Great is our God

-Magnificent

Then I just changed the plans of not including the underlined songs and change it to only one song, STILL.

My line-up was, I put still on the last song. but.....

Line-up of songs goes like this.

Adonai

Oneway

Heart of Worship

STILL

With all I am

When we are in the midst of the Worship Service, THE ELECTRICITY's OUT! I am shocked and I don't know what to do. But still, the worship leader continued in singing. Upon listening and waiting for the leader's signal if we are gonna stop or not, I realized MANY things.

HEART OF WORSHIP

I did all my best to make the worship service perfect. BUT:( I didn't prepare the team for LIVE,PURE, and TRUE WORSHIP. I cared about the instruments, the music, the tunes, the rhythm, the songs. BUT THE MESSAGE THAT WE HAVE TO TELL THROUGH WORSHIP was not in our/my heart. When we worship, it's not our mind to set but our heart. It's not about the perfectness of the PERFORMANCE, yet it is the perfectness of your heart for worship.All of us tend to think that when we join the worship service, it means we WORSHIP. We close our eyes, but, We are not really doing the TRUE worship.

And I think that's why God tested our heart when the time that the electricity's out.

STILL

The whole song of still. We sang it with no instruments. It's Hot and dark. We are confused and shocked. But STILL, we continue.

-LESSON-

I am afraid of darkness, I PRAY, yet I AM STILL NERVOUS. What God tells me while we are singing STILL was, "Don't doubt in darkness when God is giving you the light"

One more thing, LIGHT's and POWER was out. It a challenge that God was telling us. "BE STILL AND KNOW THAT I AM GOD"

Looking back, I said on the first paragraph that it annoys me when the lights and power is out. But the moment we sing STILL, I cried. that's when I realize that, me, and ALL THE PEOPLE INSIDE THE SANCTUARY ARE STILL AND CONTINUED TO PRAISE, TRULY, LIVELY, and PURE.

WITH ALL I AM

The best! LIGHT'S are back. and that's when we all clap with gladness that we overcome the darkness and be STILL for GOD.

With all we are, With all I am, My heart will always BE STILL and know that you are GOD.

God is truly working on everyone's life. It's been exactly a year ago after that ONDOY Typhoon. And the amazing fact was, STILL was an anthem when ONDOY strikes our country.

I know that God is smiling so much that He has seen His children worship Him with the Heart of Worship, With all they are. And because, even the oceanic PROBLEMS rise, and the thunders that roars and keeps on destroying us, floods of trials came, GOD will always be the KING above all. AND WE WILL SOAR WITH HIM, UPON THE STORMS in our life.

From now on, DARKNESS WILL NEVER EXIST. Co'z I know that there's GOD who will give me HIS light. Co'z I know that GOD SPEAKS IN DARKNESS.

Be Blessed and Be a Blessing.

God Bless!

(c)Zelle Rana

http://cutenessity.blogspot.com/

http://true-lovewaits.tumblr.com/

TRUST

haiz...saya talaga maglingkod sa Lord. Trust in Him and He will not let you be in harm.

Story:(Not a true story, i just read it from my cp, but it is meaningful)

May isang girl na hatinggabi na umuwi ng solo dahil sa ginawa nilang project. Para maging mabilis ang pauwi niya, dumaan siya sa shortcut na daan. Sa kanto ng kalsada ay may dalawang lalaki na tila nagaabang sa kanya. Natakot siya na baka may mangyari sa kanyang masama. Pero hindi nanguna ang takot sa kanya. nagdasal siya at sinabi niyang, "Panginoon, ipinagkakatiwala ko po sa inyo ang sarili ko. Nawa po gabayan Niyo po ako at huwag Niyo po hahayaan na may mangyari sa aking masama." Sa moment na iyon, ipinagkatiwala niya sa Panginoon ang buhay niya. Lumakad siya ng normal at ng walang takot. Lumampas siya sa mga lalaki at nagpasalamat na walang nangyari sa kanya.Kinabukasan paggising niya, sinabi sa kanya ng kanyang ina na mayroong namatay at narape sa may kanto malapit sa kanila, narape daw ang babae ng magaalauna na ng umaga,nagkataong doon din siya dumaan noong gabing iyon. Dahil kilala pa niya ang mga mukha ng mga lalaking nakita niya noon, pumunta siya sa presinto upang makatulong. At hindi siya nagkamali sa hinala niya na iyon nga ang mga lalaki na pumatay at nangrape sa biktima. Dahil sa pagtataka ng pulis kung bakit kilala ng babae ang mga lalaki, tinanong siya ng pulis, "Dumaan ka din ba doon?", sagot naman siya, "opo, 12 na po ng hating gabi iyon" Sunod naman na tinanong ng pulis ang mga lalaki, "Nauna bang dumaan ang babaeng ito sa babaeng nirape nio?", sagaot naman ng mga lalaki, "Opo". Nagtanong muli ang pulis, "Mahirap man itanong ito, Bakit hindi siya ang pinagtangkaan ninyo gayong siya pala ang naunang dumaan.?" sagot naman na isang lalaki, "Dahil po mayroong siyang kasamang dalawang matangkad na lalaki sa tabi niya."

Lesson:
Sa kahit anong oras, huwag natin aalisin ang tiwala natin sa Panginoon dahil Siya lamang ang makakapagligtas sa atin sa oras ng kapahamakan. Magtiwala tayo sa Kanya ng buong puso at hindi Niya hahayaan na tayo'y mapahamak. Nawa nainspire kayo. Dahil nainspire ako noong mabasa ko ito noon.

Title: TRUST

A Piece of Advice

"Broken Hearted". When someone felt so hurt by someone they really love, they say they were broken. Yes, broken, in terms of feeling so empty and lost. Empty because you feel like you lost a big part in you by loosing the one you love.

When someone is broken hearted, sometimes they commit suicide, if not, they became "EMO", short term for emotional. Then start slashing their wrist. Why do they have to do that? For me, it's losing their everything, losing their selves, their life and their loved ones. And I can't find any reason why do they have to do such things.

Yes, they are broken. It means that they can't be in love. As I see in this generation, "EMO Boys" and "EMO Girls" have their bf's and gf's, and it's called "EMO LOVE". Yet they confirm to us and to their selves that were broken hearted.

There are people who go to places like bars and clubs to enjoy and forget their selves being broken. It's not a good idea for us to drink alcohol and smoke. Not everything is being fixed by drinking and smoking.

It's sad to look at the NEW generation, they're BROKEN! Broken by the attitudes they have now. As a piece of advice, broken hearts are not impossible to be fixed. If every pieces of your heart, big or small, is in GOD. He'll be the one to fix it, not just your heart, also your life. He died for you, so live for Him and nothing will ever break your heart. If you think that the world hates you, remember that the world first hated JESUS. But He never stopped loving us. So don't think that no one loves you, God loves you! and He loves us so much that He gave his only son to forgive our sins. There's no greater love, only the love of God!

"God can heal a broken heart, but He has to have all the pieces"

God Bless!

by: zelle

Seeking God's will?

Well to start off, I'm talking about the right guy for you who is prepared by God himself. Seeking God's will is not that easy. You will start to meet some guy who fulfilled your happiness. And some are there just to play with you heart. Love is not a game. Nor a joke. It's is something that You must be serious. Because God is Love.

Considering. It's somewhat says the first step. It is looking for someone whom you think is a perfect guy and who must be deserving to be considered.
( How may I know if he deserves it?) As a Christian, You must know the differences between the unbeliever and believer. The believer is a Christian who is committed and in love, even not with you, he must be in love with God. If you him beyond what the eyes can see. It's like judging him not by his looks but by his attitude. *Beauty only gets attention, but personality captures the heart* It's true that you can easily see his looks. But looks do fades away by the years he spend. but the attitude he has just stay.

After considering, PRAY FOR HIM. Every night, every day! even every hour. God hears all your prayers. He never sleeps. He know what your heart desires. He know what can make you happy. Surrender you feelings to Him. Ask Him if the one you are considering is His' will. God will be the one to lead you on the right path. He will lead your heart to the right man.

If God has given you the sign that the one you are considering is His' will. Just pray. Pray Until Something Happens. Anything happens because it is God's plan. Because you already met the guy, make him happy just like the way he makes you happy. Love him endlessly and never ever scold him nothing. Because He is a Christian, you will worry nothing. Praise God together, love God and You will have the happiest moments that an unbeliever can't have. It is the happiness that can't be compared to the expensive things. It is just simply having the happiest life with Him and most especially, with God.

Thank You and God Bless! Keep on looking for God's will, maybe you've seen it already but you just don't pay attention!

Love You all!

by:zelle

Worship

Worship is not about
what will happen on the stage
It's not about the instruments that you'll use
It's not about the people who'll watch you
I'ts not about the dress that you'll wear
It's not about the perfectness of your performance
It's not about the reason that you only came because you'll sing..
It's not about YOU!
It's all about JESUS!
because He's worth the praises...
The praises coming from you heart...
You don't need to be perfect in front of Him..
You don't need to be pretty when praising Him...
He just need your heart..
Your sincere Heart...
So remember...
Praises and Worships is not about anything...
It's all about Him..
It's Him whom you praise above all else...

God Bless!!

by: zelle

God made a miracle in Lumban Laguna!

The biggest issue that is being discussed by most of the Lumbenios was the issue about the biggest Demolition that is going to happen in Lumban. What is the story behind it? Actually, I am not aware about what is happening. I am not even affected. But when I found out the the houses that's going to be demolished was 52 houses. Shocking right? As a Lumbenio and as a Follower of God, I can do nothing but to pray. I know that God has plans for them.

I heard the story from one of the victim. The owner of the lot, they call him ABRA, is going to take the lot from them. The people who built houses there was so mad because they believe that the lot was theirs already. Abra do not have any right to take it away from them. Many stories came out. They said that Abra was only doing this because he wants revenge. Revenge from the bad experiences he had when he was poor. He said that some people teased him and look down to his poor life. I understand his story, but why include those innocent people? If I am given a chance to ask him, I'll ask, "If you die, you can't even take that lot to heaven. Think about what will happen to those families who will lose shelter. This land was made by God for all the people. After doing this, will you be happy?" I am not mad at him, I am mad of what he is doing. Even our house wasn't affected, I awe sympathy to the families.

Last night, the night before the demolition, I was called by my friends. They said that we will have an Midnight Prayer for the victims of the said demolition. We read a Chapter from the bible, "Micah 2:1-13, the Chapter was so related to what is happening in our town. We spent the night praying. we prayed that:

1. Abra, himself, will have a clean heart and may God enter his heart. That he may change his mind.
2. That the people who'll be affected may have a clean heart too and do not make any revenge against Abra. That they may seek God during their suffering and Think that God has better plans for them.
3. For the kids, that they'll not have any Trauma from this and may they forget about a revenge when they grow older.
4 For the sick persons who are affected, I know that God will heal them
5. That the said demolition will not be bloody and we prayed that no one will be killed.
6. And lastly and most important. that the demolition will not happen. May God's will be done.

I woke up 5:00 am so I may know if the demolition will happen. I go back to sleep because it's raining. I woke up again 10:00 am. I am so happy about the news I heard. The demolition didn't happen. I'm so happy because I've been a part of this. I prayed to God and thank God that he didn't allow it to happen. I believe that God has Greater plans. God made a miracle in Lumban, Laguna!

God Bless you all!

by: zelle

Ang sanaysay ng dating EMO

"Fix me I'm broken!", "Leave me alone!"---Mga katagang nasambit ko noon. Nagkukulong ako sa kwarto ko para walang makakita sa akin na umiiyak. Pinaniwala ko ang sarili ko na kailanma'y hindi na mabubuo ang puso ko.

Isa akong Kristiyano, pero bakit ako ganito? Marahil nadamay na ako sa makabagong henerasyon. Sa mga taong tinatawag na EMO! Palaging nakaitim, may eyeliner, naka chucktaylor, tapos skinny jeans, at may bangs na halos takpan na ang mukha. Naging ganito ako. Nabubuhay ako sa dilim ng kahapon. Sumusuko ako sa mga problemang kaya ko namang lutasin. Ito ako noon. Napakalayo sa kung ano ako ngayon.

Natatandaan ko pa noon. Sa tuwing gigising ako sa umaga, mainit ang ulo ko. Napakasama na kaagad ng araw ko. Wala akong ginawa kundi ang magmaktol at sisihin ang sarili ko sa kung ano man ako noon. Natuto akong kumanta ng mga awiting nakakasira sa utak. Awiting nagsasabing ang pangit ng buhay. Wala nang pag-asa! at hindi ka na nararapat mabuhay. Hindi ko naman tinangkang magpakamatay. Pero tinatawag ko pa rin ang sarili kong EMO GIRL. Isang beses nag-mahal ako. Noong nalaman ko na kaibigan lang turing niya sa akin, nasaktan ako. Nagsimula akong magrebelde. Nagsimula na akong makinig ng mga awiting nagsasabi sa aking durog na ang puso ko. Umiiyak akong mag-isa. Nagtimpi ako ang patuloy na sinaktan ang sarili. Sinasabi ko na sa sarili kong "Ako na lamang ang kasama mo! Wala nang ibang magmamahal sayo!"

Sa bahay, malaking pagbabago ang napansin nila sa akin. Lagi na lamang akong sumasagot sa magulang ko at lahat ng gusto kong gawin ay ginagawa ko na. Pinaniwala kong hindi nila ako mahal. Masakit! Masakit isipin na hindi ka mahal ng magulang mo. Gigising ka sa umaga na sampiga ang sasalubong sayo. Sisigawan ka at sasabihing "Tamad ka talaga!" Simula noon, mas naging rebelde pa ako. Sarili ko na lamang ang pinaniniwalaan ko. Nagalit ako sa magulang na tinatawag ko. Mali! Oo, sobrang mali! Sinampal ko ko ang sarili ko, baka sakaling magising ako sa masamang panaginip na ito. Aray! Ang sakit pala. Naisip ko baka masakit ring kalimutan ang panaginip na ito. Inisip ko, "Masaya ba ako na ganito ako?" Sabi ng sarili ko, "Hindi! Hindi ka dapat maging masaya kung ganyan ka!"

Pinilit kong kalimutan ang sarili ko bilang isang Emo Girl. Binura ko na ang lahat ng litrato na nagpapaalala sa katauhang kong iyon. Nasabi ko sa srili ko, "Oo! oras na para magbago ka! Marami na ang nahihirapan sa ugali mong iyan." Habang nasa kalagitnaan ako ng pagbabago ko. Nakatagpo ako ng mangingibig, isang EMO! Gwapo, matangkad at medyo maputi. Naramdaman ko ang matinding takot na baka kapag napaibig ako ng lalaking ito ay hindi ko maituloy ang pagbabago ko. Tama nga ako. Nanligaw siya sa akin. May nararamdaman na ako sa kanya pero hindi ko siya magawang sagutin. Mahirap para sa akin ang magdesisyon dahil hangad ko na talagang magbago. Makalipas ang ilang buwan, Hindi ko parin siya sinasagot. Pero ako, Emo parin! Ano ba toh! Bakit Emo parin ako!?

Isang pagsubok ang dumaan sa akin. October, isang kaibigan ang napalayo sa akin. Hindi na siya nagpapakita at hindi na rin sumisimba sa church. Nagdasal ako sa Panginoon, "Lord! Sana po bumalik na siya!" Ilang linggo ko na ring ipinagdarasal ang kaibigan ko pero wala pa ring nagyayari. Tandang-tanda ko pa ang araw na iyon, October 31, 2008. Dumalo ako sa isang fellowship. Kasama ko ang mga kaibigan ko noon. Habang namemensahe ang Pastor, isang pangungusap na sinabi ng Pastor ang pumukaw sa puso kong durog. Sinabi niya, "Kung naghahangad ka ng pagbabago ng iba, simulan mo ang pagbabago sa sarili mo para makita nila na walang mawawala sa kanila kung magbabaga sila. Maging isang inspirasyon ka sa kanila" Napaluha ako noong mga oras na iyon. Oo! Sinubukan kong magbago noon. Alam ko na kung bakit hindi ko makamit ang pagbabago. Dahil tumatatak parin sa puso ko ang pagiging Emo ko. At ang mga taong nakakasalamuha ko ay sinasabing Emo parin ako. Hindi ko naisip na maging isang inspirasyon. At higit sa lahat, hindi ko naisip ang Panginoon noong nagdesisyon akong maging Emo. Nagsisisi ako sa nagawa ko. Naghahangad ako ng pagbabago ng kaibigan ko pero sarili ko, hindi magawang mabago. Hinintay lamang ng Panginoon na magbago ako bago magbago ang kaibigan ko. Pagkatapos ng araw na iyon. Linggo, nagpunta ako sa simbahan namin. Nakita ko ang kaibigan ko. Napakasaya ko dahil na patunayan ko na sa sarili ko na hindi nasayang ang pagbabago ko. Sa magulang ko naman. hindi na ako yung dating rebelde. Masaya ako dahil nakamit ko na talaga ang pagbabago. Ang laki ng pasasalamat ko sa Panginoon.

Ngayon, itinuturing ko na lamang ang nagyari sa akin bilang pagsubok. Mas lalo pa akong napalapit sa Panginoon, sa magulang ko at sa mga kaibigan ko. Ang mangingibig kong Emo , BASTED! Hindi ko na pinoproblema ang mga problemang hindi ko malutas noon. Sinasabi ko lamang, "Bahala na si Lord!". hindi man ako maging pinakamabait na anak at ka kaibigan. Gagawin ko ang lahat huwag lamang akong bumalik sa noon. Masaya na ako ngayon. Mas masaya sa inakalang kong kasiyahan ko noon. Iba na ko ngayon. Napakalayo sa kung ano ako noon. Wala na akong alalalahanin. Sigurado na akong hindi na madudurog ang puso ko dahil binigay ko na ng buong-buo sa Panginoon ang puso. Napagtanto ko na puno pala ng pagmamahal ang puso ko. Ganoon pala! Tanging ang Panginoon lang pala ang makakabuo ng "Broken Heart", kung ibibigay mo ang lahat ng piraso sa Kanya. God Bless You all!

by: zelle